A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.":D

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”:D

Just a few saucy funny clips, ok so i like panties!:D:D


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABqZHvOwP30

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0krkQSX3cM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsycjXZe6LY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWaVnVFcwok

Funny..I kinda like panties too...as long as they are on girls..:D:D

TV news people have to just LOVE the internet....
 

Because once a mistake is made, it's here forever...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plboBPJWFDs - note the location of the MIC!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgBkl...response_watch - him trying to explain it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYqXZ...om=PL&index=24 - yes, this was live.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP-rcMDJfYU -he got fired for this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzUKM...e=channel_page - Notice her cute smile when she realizes her Oops.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9GxN...e=channel_page - "That is not the right video," lol.

Sorry meant to say "news" in the title. :o

There's some funny clips there HEM1point1, thanks. Although these may get moved to the jokes thread. As any funny videos are posted in the jokes thread and your'll find lots more funny videos there.;)

I usually find panties are far sexier on girls as well.:D

hehe..see what you think of this vid:)
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/0de...x-reality-show

& if you liked panties Mart...you'll love yougurt:)

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/e2b...rachael-harris

The yougurt one was hilarious DWM222:D.

Boy am i in trouble again.:D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1plIgEbggSs

This is one of my favourite golf jokes.:D:D

Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street. Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball. It’s in the hole. Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. "Are you gonna play golf?" he asks "Or are you just gonna f**k around?".:D

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?".:D


On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!".:D

Here's a massive list of funny real names, i love funny names.:D

http://www.ethanwiner.com/funnames.html

Some of those names are pretty funny. I use to work for an auditor and one of his clients was a hospital. One of our test was to audit a number of the patient accounts to see that they were real people. I came across a patient named Ima Rose Bush. Of course I had to pull that account and it seemed legimate enough. But who do that to their kid? Any combination is funny. Ima Rose, Ima Bush, Rose Bush.

Funny Names
 

There are a lot of funny names in that link, Thanks Mart!:D
Here's my contribution, One of my customers name on the CC he uses is
"Phil Mike Hunt." This is for real too. (Say all 3 name fast.)

WOW!!! Sexy Sara & Rilee tribute video
 

WOW!!!

I just found this awesome tribute video with some sexy outtakes from FTVGirls

ENJOY!!! and Happy Thanksgiving :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69uay...layer_embedded

worse than a rickroll!

Hell explained
The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

This answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

I agree with Rob. Raymond, to the corner and no giblets for you! ;)

"As God is my witness, I thought Turkeys could fly" :D

http://www.kewego.com/video/iLyROoafYtDe.html

Turkeys can fly quite well. they fly over the lake to get to the corn fields all the time.

Now thats funny..:)

LOL...that's funny. And I was getting all excited!

Hot! I am masturbating furiously.

Here is a bit of background to the Hell story.

http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp

Yes! One of the funniest lines ever delivered on a TV sitcom! Even reading it here makes me laugh again.

I'm sure i could do a better one than that!.:D

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first met.

Sitting at a café, the little old man says, "Remember the first time I met you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave you one from behind."

"Why, yes, I remember it well, dear," replies the little old lady with a grin.

"Well, for old time's sake, let's go there again. and I'll give you one from behind."

The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress.

The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady's hips, and the little old lady reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is 40 minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don't move for an hour.

Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this -- not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences.

Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, "I have to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in 50 years' time!"

The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Plucking up courage, the man approaches the pensioner.

He says, "Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that, particularly at your age. What's your secret? Could you shag like that 50 years ago?"

The pensioner replies, "Son, 50 years ago, that ******* fence wasn't electrified."

:):)

that was funny DMW222

Funniest joke i've heard in a long time DWM222.:D:D

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these ******* would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?" :)

Great joke Captnjack and very topical oops, sorry Tiger!.:D

So, what would you be thinking if....
 

You woke up one morning and found your car looking like this....

http://blstb.msn.com/i/9F/EAA8E76C14...6F279C4DA1.jpg

Thats one of them crall back into bed days!!!!!!!!!!!!

i would say its time to move.

I don't even think you could get in your car

Mmmmm...taxi!!!:D

That'll teach him not to put the antifreeze in.:D

I'm so glad I moved from Ohio/Nebraska to California!:cool::eek::D