It's the nature of the beast.

well, this may get me banned but it is funny,

A kid walks into a whore house and walks up to the Madam and says, "I want a hooker right now!"

Madam says, "What? no, get out of here kid and why the hell do you have a dead frog on the end of a leash"?

(kid digs into his pocket and puts a 100 dollar bill on the table)

Kid: "I want hooker with herpes right now!"

Madam: "No kid beat it, and get that dead frog out of here"

(kid diggs into pocket pulls out another 100 dollar bill and puts it on the table)

Kid: "I want a hooker with herpes and aids right now"!

Madam: "Ok kid, I've got what you want, but tell me why you have a dead frog on the end of that leash"

Kid: "Alright, I"m going to **** a hooker with herpes and aids. When I get home I'm going to **** my baby sitter, when my Dad comes home from work he's going to **** the baby sitter. Later that night my Dad's gonna **** my Mom and then the next day my Mom's going to **** the Mailman and THATS THE MOTHER ****** THAT KILLED MY FROG!!"

lLOL...it takes the mind of a kid to think that round-about way...LOL

Good one The Deuce! :)

I'm originally from Colorado. I was born there, spent some very good years there as a kid. Its a beautiful place, whether we're talking the plains or Rockies, good people, too ('cept for those West Slopers--j/k). I'm expecting laranger & DWM222 to back me up on this. Its also a windy state. Lots of wind! Phew! And while I don't mean any disrespect to the folks living east or west of the Centennial State, its all their fault. Now how can I say that, you ask? Simple: Nebraska & Kansas suck and Utah blows!

Looks like you nailed that one geo..LOL

Funny one.........

'Are you a real cowboy?'
 

An old cowboy st down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..

She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that eveything makes me think of women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.

:):)

Good one Dwm222 !! :D:D

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

Son of a ...! I'm a lesbian, too! :eek: Yee-freakin'-haw! :D

Great jokes DWM222,voncroy. I think i must be a lesbian then DWM222 lol.:D

This is a really dumb joke but i'm gonna tell it anyways.
Q: What do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common
A: They have the same middle name

A grass hopper hops into a bar, sits down and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, we got drink named after you." The grass hopper looks at him in amazement and says, " No ****, you gotta drink named Bob?"

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her tow kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart...nice children you've got there - are they twins?'
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, 'Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins?...Do you really think they look alike?'

'No', replies the greeter, 'I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!'

I hope this joke doesn't get me banned, but I'm going to tell it.

Three first graders are on a playground, an asian kid, a black kid, and a red neck. The asian says "OK, we're going to pull out our ***** and see whose is the biggest." The asian kid pulls his **** out, and the other two say "that's pretty impressive." The black kid pulls his **** out and the other two say "whoa even bigger." The red neck pulls his out, and the other two say "OK, no fair." The redneck went home and said "Ma I wun biggest penis in skool, cuz I waz a red neck." Then his mother says "No honey, that's because you're 35."

Celine Dion walks into a bar, and the bartender says "why the long face."

LOL...good jokes DWM222 and Max. :D

Don't know about the Celine Dion one though.

John is out in the country with his new bride.
They watch as a bull comes over the rise and bangs six cows in a row, one after the other.

His wife says, "It's a shame a man can't perform like that."






He says, "We could, if we got to change cows every time."

I miss Grandma's Advice
 

My grandmother died in 1974, but her birthday is coming up soon, and that always causes me to reminisce. The long walks we used to take to the store on College Avenue, the quarters she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds, or washing the sidewalk..Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandmotherly advice, happened when I was only about 10.

We were sitting in a park having just finished collecting some 50 soda bottles for the deposit money on a beautiful spring day. She told me that one day, I would find a wonderful woman and start my own family.

"And always remember this one thing" she said. "Be sure to marry a woman with small hands."

"How come, Grandma?" I asked her. She answered in her soft voice..
"Makes your dick look bigger."

Still kinda brings a tear to my eye.....:)

This is a joke fred not True Confessions...:D:D

hehe;)...gotta love Grandma

Old man was sitting down at the lake with his rod in the water, little boy walks up and ask's are you fishing? old man replys No my worms are dirty and I was washing them.

Lots of good jokes here...LOLOLOL!!!! :D

Farm Girls..They're Smart
 

There were three gals who were getting married and all met at the marriage counselor's office to discuss the options of having or not having a baby right away.

There were two city gals and one farm gal.

The counselor asked them if they planned on having a baby right away or were going to wait awhile. They all agreed that they had discussed this with their potential husbands and all agreed to wait awhile.

Well the counselor asked the first gal what type of birth control she planned to use. Her answer was, the rhythm method. That will work said the counselor if you keep a good record.

He asked the second gal what system she planned on using. I plan on using birth control pills she said. Again he said, yes that will work as long as you don't forget to take them.

He then asked the the farm girl what system she was planning on using. Her answer was the pail and saucer method. After a short delay, he again told her that should also work.

He asked them all to come back in one year on a specific date for a follow up on how things were going.

They all me again one year later and the two city gals were were pregnant. Only the farm gal was slim and trim yet.

Well the counselor asked the first gal what method she used and what went wrong. She replied that she used the rhythm method but somehow got her notes mixed up and, well here I am, going to have a baby.

He asked the second city gal what method she used and she replied, the birth control pill but we were camping and I didn't have my pills with me and as you can see, I too am going to have a baby.

He turns to the farm gal and told her that I vaguely remember you were going to use the pail and saucer method. Now I must admit that I don't have a clue what the pail and saucer method is. Will you explain it to me as I see it has worked well for you.

She replied. Well we make love standing up, and since I am quite a bit taller than my husband, he stands on a pail turned upside down. Now as we are making love, I watch his eyes, and when his eyes get as big as saucers, I kick the pail out from under him...
:):)

That is funny.

LOL...good joke DWM222...LOL!!!

Thanks

:)...makes me feel better since I had a bad start to the day....

I rear ended a car this morning...the driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said "I am NOT Happy!"

So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"

Thats when the fight started...:)

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL....LOL!!!!!!!

I needed that laugh!!! :D

Such a simple joke and yet very funny. Great jokes DWM222.:D

DMV222 made me think of a Dwarf joke I heard once...not sure how funny it may be to you all.

'GEE GUYS," said Snow White,"I've always dreamed of getting seven inches---but not an inch at a time."

New Technology
 

Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly.

'That's my pager,' he says. 'I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.'

A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man lifts his palm to his ear.

When he finishes explains. 'That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.'

The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear.

The others raise their eyebrows.

'I'm getting a Fax. 'he explains'...:)

DMW222 I heard that joke before.Still funny everytime I hear it. :D

It was close to midnight when the telephone rang in the sex therapy surrogate's apartment."I'm all wound up and I've got to see you" urged the voice of one of her newest patients,who had been making remarkable strides in her tutelage.
"There,there---- relax,relax" the woman responded soothingly. "just take two aspirins now,and then ball me in the morning."

You may possibly have heard about the central European sodomist who liked to backdate Czechs.

It's said that the difference between kinky and preverted is that someone who's kinky uses a feather,whereas someone who's preverted uses the whole chicken.

Thanx...I've heard or been sent thousands of these over the years so I just pass em on..you've got some good one's too..

Survivor..Wyoming Style
 

Have ya heard this one...:)

Due to the popularity of the Survivor's shows, Wyoming is planning to do its own, titled 'Survivor-Wyoming Style.

The contestants will start in Cheyenne, travel over to Casper and Rawlins

Then, they will head west to Rock Springs, north to Pinedale and Big Piney

From there they will proceed east to Gillette

The final leg will be back to Cheyenne

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with California license plates and a HUGE bumper sticker that reads:

'I'm gay. I'm a Vegetarian. Beer is harmful to Your health. Republicans suck. Obama in 2008. Deer hunting is murder, and I'm here to confiscate your guns.'

The first one that makes it back to Cheyenne alive wins.

:):)

" You get to choose,Harvey," the fellow who had set up the double date told his buddy. "One of them has kind of a dumpy figure and is short on looks,but she's incredible when she gives a blow job! The other is pretty and has a perfect pair of legs,which she shows off by wearing shoes with high heels"
"Say no more,Fred," interrupted Harvey. "I'll go for head over heels any time."

(LOL) DMW222,no I hadn't heard that one before.Its funny.. :D

Because Sir Lancelot had been complaining about the fit,Queen Guinevere went secretly to a famous plastic surgeon for a general genital tightening. "And now," she mused happily, "I'm all tucked in for the knight!"