Jokes

DWM222 · 08-16-2009, 12:21 AM

When a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, and his throat gets dry, he goes weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally. Ever wonder why?

It's because she smells like a new truck.

mart · 08-17-2009, 06:39 PM

An idiot decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys a hundred chickens to get up and running.
A month later he returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot had died.
Another month passes and he's back at the dealers for another hundred chickens, "I think I know where I'm going wrong" he tells the dealer,
"I think I'm planting them too deep."

Did you here about the idiot who won the 'Tour De France'?
He did a lap of Honour!

Did you hear about the stupid tap dancer?
He fell in the sink!

How do you confuse an idiot?
Give him two spades and tell him to take his pick.

How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
Give him a piece of paper with "Please turn over" written on both sides.

Immortal · 08-17-2009, 11:21 PM

Ok, I'm at it again. If any one here is from the Mideast, I'M SORRY!
This is just too funny. Enjoy!

http://www.flowgo.com/funny/13150_mi...ne-minute.html

Texasdrake · 08-17-2009, 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Immortal

Ok, I'm at it again. If any one here is from the Mideast, I'M SORRY!
This is just too funny. Enjoy!

http://www.flowgo.com/funny/13150_mi...ne-minute.html

I'm thinking you ment MIDDLEeast..mideast sounds like you were talking somewhere in the USA as in midwest..etc.

Immortal · 08-18-2009, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texasdrake

I'm thinking you ment MIDDLEeast..mideast sounds like you were talking somewhere in the USA as in midwest..etc.

Thats the name of the video, "The Mideast conflict in 1 minute".

TheDoctor · 08-18-2009, 03:45 PM

A cop is doing his night shift on a street known for the many "clandestine dates" happening there all the time. He then spots a couple in a car, with its inner lights bright on. He closes up on the car for a better view, and sees a young guy reading a computer magazine in the driver's seat and a girl polishing her nails in the rear seat. The cop, startled, comes to them, and asks the guy to open the window.

"Yes, officer?"
"Good evening, mister. What are you guys doing here?"
"Reading a magazine", the guy responds.
"OK", says the cop. Pointing at the girl, he continues, "And the young lady?"
The guy responds, "I think she is polishing her nails".

"Whoa", the cop thinks to himself. "A young couple alone in a car on the lovers' lane, and nothing lewd going on?!" But he keeps asking anyway:

"How old are you, young man?"
"22, sir", he answers.
"And your... How old is she?"
The guy looks at his wristwatch and responds for her:

"She'll be 18 in ten minutes."

mart · 08-21-2009, 05:45 PM

As mentioned in the "anything under the sun" thread". Here's some classic Monty Python sketches, starting with the alltime classic the parrot sketch. With a few other great sketches, British comedy at it's best.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npjOSLCR2hE

Spam sketch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_eYSuPKP3Y

Village idiot sketch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNBNqUdqm1E

And my favourite comedy "Faulty Towers" which for anyone not familiar with this British comedy. It was about a madcap hotel manager Basil Faulty played by John Cleese. With his ever suffering wife Sybil played by Prunella Scale. Not forgetting the in incompetent Spanish waiter Manuel played by Andrew Sach's. this is the classic car thrashing and still very funny today. There are many more clips but just in too many parts to link here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmQMYMcY6nI

08-16-2009, 12:21 AM	#1
DWM222 Danielle's Biggest Fan Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Colorado Posts: 478	Why women wear leather When a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, and his throat gets dry, he goes weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally. Ever wonder why? It's because she smells like a new truck. __________________ Have I ever lied to you....That you know of?

08-17-2009, 06:39 PM	#2
mart Danielle's Only True Love Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Garden of England, Kent Posts: 2,189	An idiot decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys a hundred chickens to get up and running. A month later he returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot had died. Another month passes and he's back at the dealers for another hundred chickens, "I think I know where I'm going wrong" he tells the dealer, "I think I'm planting them too deep." Did you here about the idiot who won the 'Tour De France'? He did a lap of Honour! Did you hear about the stupid tap dancer? He fell in the sink! How do you confuse an idiot? Give him two spades and tell him to take his pick. How do you keep an idiot busy for hours? Give him a piece of paper with "Please turn over" written on both sides. __________________ If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get

08-17-2009, 11:21 PM	#3
Immortal In Love with Danielle Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Middle-of-nowhere, Wisconsin. Posts: 174	Conflict in the Mideast. Ok, I'm at it again. If any one here is from the Mideast, I'M SORRY! This is just too funny. Enjoy! http://www.flowgo.com/funny/13150_mi...ne-minute.html __________________ аемб еру ыучшуые цщьут щт еру штеуктуе! Wir lieben euch Danielle!

08-21-2009, 05:45 PM	#7
mart Danielle's Only True Love Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Garden of England, Kent Posts: 2,189	As mentioned in the "anything under the sun" thread". Here's some classic Monty Python sketches, starting with the alltime classic the parrot sketch. With a few other great sketches, British comedy at it's best. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npjOSLCR2hE Spam sketch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_eYSuPKP3Y Village idiot sketch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNBNqUdqm1E And my favourite comedy "Faulty Towers" which for anyone not familiar with this British comedy. It was about a madcap hotel manager Basil Faulty played by John Cleese. With his ever suffering wife Sybil played by Prunella Scale. Not forgetting the in incompetent Spanish waiter Manuel played by Andrew Sach's. this is the classic car thrashing and still very funny today. There are many more clips but just in too many parts to link here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmQMYMcY6nI __________________ If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get Last edited by mart; 08-21-2009 at 05:48 PM.

Thread Tools	Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Email this Page	Search this Thread: Advanced Search
Display Modes
Switch to Linear Mode Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

08-18-2009, 03:45 PM	#6
TheDoctor Danielle's Imaginary Boyfriend Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: The TARDIS Posts: 503	A cop is doing his night shift on a street known for the many "clandestine dates" happening there all the time. He then spots a couple in a car, with its inner lights bright on. He closes up on the car for a better view, and sees a young guy reading a computer magazine in the driver's seat and a girl polishing her nails in the rear seat. The cop, startled, comes to them, and asks the guy to open the window. "Yes, officer?" "Good evening, mister. What are you guys doing here?" "Reading a magazine", the guy responds. "OK", says the cop. Pointing at the girl, he continues, "And the young lady?" The guy responds, "I think she is polishing her nails". "Whoa", the cop thinks to himself. "A young couple alone in a car on the lovers' lane, and nothing lewd going on?!" But he keeps asking anyway: "How old are you, young man?" "22, sir", he answers. "And your... How old is she?" The guy looks at his wristwatch and responds for her: "She'll be 18 in ten minutes."