Jokes

[Immortal]

Alot of cool videos in here. Heres some more british comady i think should be included.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wk5pO06BdSk

[mart]

Originally Posted by Immortal

Alot of cool videos in here. Heres some more british comady i think should be included.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wk5pO06BdSk

Thanks for the link Immortal, that brought back memories. I used to watch "the youngs ones" every week because it was truely funny, satirical and rebellious for it's time.

[Satir]

Joke:
Two gays sitting in the bus. First saying to another: "Let's do IT right here". Second answer "No! Look around. A lot of people here."
First: "How about... If I'll smoke here and nobody pays attention we'll do it?"
Second: "OK."
The gay smoked his cigarette and nobody said anithing. Fellows did their dirty business.

Next day in another bus. Two alcoholics:
First: "Let's drink here."
Second: "You must be crazy!! Yesturday one guy's been ****** in the *** after smoking in the bus "

[laranger]

Originally Posted by Satir

Joke:
Two gays sitting in the bus. First saying to another: "Let's do IT right here". Second answer "No! Look around. A lot of people here."
First: "How about... If I'll smoke here and nobody pays attention we'll do it?"
Second: "OK."
The gay smoked his cigarette and nobody said anithing. Fellows did their dirty business.

Next day in another bus. Two alcoholics:
First: "Let's drink here."
Second: "You must be crazy!! Yesturday one guy's been ****** in the *** after smoking in the bus "

Satir, did you really find that funny or just like the humilation it offered?

[Satir]

You think its not funny?
yes i find this funny. at least it sounds great on my native language
How do you like my english?

[laranger]

Originally Posted by Satir

You think its not funny?
yes i find this funny. at least it sounds great on my native language
How do you like my english?

Actually, no I did not. It demeans 2 classes of people.

BTW, your English is probaly better than mine, thanks for asking.

[Immortal]

Originally Posted by mart

Thanks for the link Immortal, that brought back memories. I used to watch "the youngs ones" every week because it was truely funny, satirical and rebellious for it's time.

Your welcome Mart. Too bad the young ones was a short lived show.

[mart]

True Immortal "the young ones" was shortlived, shame though. Just found this clip the best Arnie impression ever and i was literally in tears watching this. In my opinion the funniest comedy sketch on Youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=weQDA0HNJiE

[Immortal]

You got to love "Parody's", Well no one HAS to but i do so here are 2 of my favorites.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsTLUSMOgas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h05ZQ7WHw8Y

I hope someone gets a kick out of these

[mart]

Well i certainly got a kick out of them Immortal. absolutely hilarious.

[mart]

Another Arnie impersonator that had me in tears of laughter. "Arnie's pizza shop answering machine".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMEZyS2pjE4

[Immortal]

Originally Posted by mart

Another Arnie impersonator that had me in tears of laughter. "Arnie's pizza shop answering machine".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMEZyS2pjE4

Now that was funny Mart! I came across This parody, and this one had me in tears as well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIpvr91p7DM

I had to add this one too, not as funny but it pays off at the end.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q64oOPWVoBE

[mart]

Another two good finds Immortal and your right the second one pays off at the end.

[DWM222]

Good one's everyone..I'll have to dig around & find a few new one's to post

[DWM222]

> One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman
>
>
>
>
> Who did not whine, nag, or *****.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> But it was a long time ago, & it
> was just that one day.
>
>
>
>
>
> The End
>
>

[DWM222]

When a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, and his throat gets dry, he goes weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally. Ever wonder why?


It's because she smells like a new truck.

[mart]

An idiot decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys a hundred chickens to get up and running.
A month later he returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot had died.
Another month passes and he's back at the dealers for another hundred chickens, "I think I know where I'm going wrong" he tells the dealer,
"I think I'm planting them too deep."

Did you here about the idiot who won the 'Tour De France'?
He did a lap of Honour!

Did you hear about the stupid tap dancer?
He fell in the sink!

How do you confuse an idiot?
Give him two spades and tell him to take his pick.

How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
Give him a piece of paper with "Please turn over" written on both sides.

[Immortal]

Ok, I'm at it again. If any one here is from the Mideast, I'M SORRY!
This is just too funny. Enjoy!

http://www.flowgo.com/funny/13150_mi...ne-minute.html

[Texasdrake]

Originally Posted by Immortal

Ok, I'm at it again. If any one here is from the Mideast, I'M SORRY!
This is just too funny. Enjoy!

http://www.flowgo.com/funny/13150_mi...ne-minute.html

I'm thinking you ment MIDDLEeast..mideast sounds like you were talking somewhere in the USA as in midwest..etc.

[Immortal]

Originally Posted by Texasdrake

I'm thinking you ment MIDDLEeast..mideast sounds like you were talking somewhere in the USA as in midwest..etc.

Thats the name of the video, "The Mideast conflict in 1 minute".

[TheDoctor]

A cop is doing his night shift on a street known for the many "clandestine dates" happening there all the time. He then spots a couple in a car, with its inner lights bright on. He closes up on the car for a better view, and sees a young guy reading a computer magazine in the driver's seat and a girl polishing her nails in the rear seat. The cop, startled, comes to them, and asks the guy to open the window.

"Yes, officer?"
"Good evening, mister. What are you guys doing here?"
"Reading a magazine", the guy responds.
"OK", says the cop. Pointing at the girl, he continues, "And the young lady?"
The guy responds, "I think she is polishing her nails".

"Whoa", the cop thinks to himself. "A young couple alone in a car on the lovers' lane, and nothing lewd going on?!" But he keeps asking anyway:

"How old are you, young man?"
"22, sir", he answers.
"And your... How old is she?"
The guy looks at his wristwatch and responds for her:

"She'll be 18 in ten minutes."

[mart]

As mentioned in the "anything under the sun" thread". Here's some classic Monty Python sketches, starting with the alltime classic the parrot sketch. With a few other great sketches, British comedy at it's best.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npjOSLCR2hE

Spam sketch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_eYSuPKP3Y

Village idiot sketch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNBNqUdqm1E

And my favourite comedy "Faulty Towers" which for anyone not familiar with this British comedy. It was about a madcap hotel manager Basil Faulty played by John Cleese. With his ever suffering wife Sybil played by Prunella Scale. Not forgetting the in incompetent Spanish waiter Manuel played by Andrew Sach's. this is the classic car thrashing and still very funny today. There are many more clips but just in too many parts to link here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmQMYMcY6nI

[seshu]

good one. Very nice joke.


Moderator removed link

[FTVfanatic]

[quote=seshu;15105]good one. Very nice joke.

quote]

I suspect you are spamming us. Again.

Most certainly nobody should click seshu's link. It smells like spam and malware.

[captnjack]

Originally Posted by mart

As mentioned in the "anything under the sun" thread". Here's some classic Monty Python sketches, starting with the alltime classic the parrot sketch. With a few other great sketches, British comedy at it's best.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npjOSLCR2hE

Spam sketch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_eYSuPKP3Y

Village idiot sketch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNBNqUdqm1E

And my favourite comedy "Faulty Towers" which for anyone not familiar with this British comedy. It was about a madcap hotel manager Basil Faulty played by John Cleese. With his ever suffering wife Sybil played by Prunella Scale. Not forgetting the in incompetent Spanish waiter Manuel played by Andrew Sach's. this is the classic car thrashing and still very funny today. There are many more clips but just in too many parts to link here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmQMYMcY6nI

I had forgotten the village idiot sketch and the car thrashing is a classic. I think there were lest than a dozen Fawlty Towers episodes made. And wasn't the maid John Cleese real life wife?

[mart]

Originally Posted by captnjack

I had forgotten the village idiot sketch and the car thrashing is a classic. I think there were lest than a dozen Fawlty Towers episodes made. And wasn't the maid John Cleese real life wife?

There was actually 12 episodes made of Faulty Towers and yes your right John Cleese was married to Connie Booth. Who played the maid Pollly Sherman, they married in 1968 and divorced in 1978.

One of my favourite episodes is "Waldorf salad". It's in three parts.

Part one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bYWVwrbk5U

Part two
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSnul3ySiGk

Part three
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGWmxddz4GM

[grande351]

Thanks Mart! No one could do a "meltdown" like Basil Fawlty! I didn't know the bit about Cleese being married to Connie Booth at the time. I remember on the show when Basil was looking at Polly's sketchbook and answered the phone "Fawlty *******"! They never would have gotten away with that on US tv.
Andrew Sachs was great as Manuel too. According to IMDB, he was actually injured once while filming the show and sued the BBC!

[captnjack]

Originally Posted by mart

There was actually 12 episodes made of Faulty Towers and yes your right John Cleese was married to Connie Booth. Who played the maid Pollly Sherman, they married in 1968 and divorced in 1978.

One of my favourite episodes is "Waldorf salad". It's in three parts.

Part one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bYWVwrbk5U

Part two
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSnul3ySiGk

Part three
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGWmxddz4GM

Yeah that's a good episode! I never understood why the show only lasted for just one season.
There is a good one in which Basil is betting on the horses! Need to see if I can find it.

[captnjack]

Originally Posted by grande351

Thanks Mart! No one could do a "meltdown" like Basil Fawlty! I didn't know the bit about Cleese being married to Connie Booth at the time. I remember on the show when Basil was looking at Polly's sketchbook and answered the phone "Fawlty *******"! They never would have gotten away with that on US tv.
Andrew Sachs was great as Manuel too. According to IMDB, he was actually injured once while filming the show and sued the BBC!

I don't remember the Fawlty ******* line it has been quite a while since I have seen any of the episodes. Seems like someone was always slapping Manual on the back of the head.

[mart]

Originally Posted by captnjack

I don't remember the Fawlty ******* line it has been quite a while since I have seen any of the episodes. Seems like someone was always slapping Manual on the back of the head.

Yes he did say *******, well he was looking at Polly's pokies through a thin jumper at the time lol. Bit risque at the time for the BBC though lol. The episode was "the psychiatrist". It's on Youtube in five parts.

[Texasdrake]

if you have a netflix account you can watch the Monty Python shows and all of Fawlty Towers on instant on your PC and if you have a Xbox 360 then you can view the shows on your T.V. which what I was doing.

[captnjack]

I don't have either one TexasDrake.

[mart]

Originally Posted by Texasdrake

if you have a netflix account you can watch the Monty Python shows and all of Fawlty Towers on instant on your PC and if you have a Xbox 360 then you can view the shows on your T.V. which what I was doing.

Well i've never heard of Netflix before, sounds interesting. I have all the faulty Towers episodes on dvd and quite a few of Monty Python on video. Which one day i'll get around to copying on to dvd lol. But thanks for the tip anyway Texasdrake.

[DWM222]

Here is a video I found amusing



http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/272...th-mandy-moore

[mart]

Originally Posted by DWM222

Here is a video I found amusing

And also very funny.

[DWM222]

Originally Posted by mart

And also very funny.

Try this one...I liked it (even shared it on my facebook page)
__________________________________________________ ______

Woops...fergot the link
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c13...f-ing-citibank

[Satir]

Here is my JOKE:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Xk_QB1w8JY

[captnjack]

Originally Posted by DWM222

Try this one...I liked it (even shared it on my facebook page)
__________________________________________________ ______

Woops...fergot the link
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c13...f-ing-citibank

FUNNY the one about stimlus is also good.

[mart]

That's why we all love banks DWM222.

That's one of the funniest dumb blonde videos i've seen in a long time Satir, thanks for finding it.

[Immortal]

I just had to post this, Got this in my email today.


NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm.
This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I've got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

[mart]

Thanks for the info Immortal!. it may come in use for some of us.

[Immortal]

A blonde walks into an appliance store and says I would like to buy that T.V. please.

The store clerk replies Im sorry, we dont do business with blondes.

So she stormed off back to her house and dyed her hair black.

The next day, she went back to the same store and said I would like to buy that T.V. please.

The store clerk, once again, replies Sorry, we dont do business with blondes.

The blonde replied How did you know I was blonde?

The clerk says Because thats a microwave, not a T.V.

To all the Blondes on this forum, I'm dead!

[Satir]

Originally Posted by Immortal

A blonde walks into an appliance store and says I would like to buy that T.V. please.

The store clerk replies Im sorry, we dont do business with blondes.

So she stormed off back to her house and dyed her hair black.

The next day, she went back to the same store and said I would like to buy that T.V. please.

The store clerk, once again, replies Sorry, we dont do business with blondes.

The blonde replied How did you know I was blonde?

The clerk says Because thats a microwave, not a T.V.

To all the Blondes on this forum, I'm dead!

lol lol ololo

[mart]

Why did the blonde wash her phone?
Because she thought she wouldn't get any dirty phone calls with a clean one.

[Immortal]

I won't make any comments here, Just watch the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaR4LcLbW8I

[Satir]

Pity i dont know this guy but i underst00d this joke he wants someone to slap his nuts

[mart]

Good one Immortal!, that guys nuts!!!.
Here's another silly parody, all i'll say is watching this one could save you toothpaste.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbYiAst-Zoc

[captnjack]

You might be too drunk to drive it the tree you just dodged to avoid hitting is actually the air freshener hanging from your rearview mirror.

[mart]

A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”