Jokes

[Immortal]

A little boy and his dad were walking down the street whan they saw two dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father “Daddy, what are they doing?” The father says, “Making a puppy.” So they walk on and go home.

A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, “Daddy, what are you doing?” The father replies, “Making a baby.”

The little boy says, “Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy instead!”

[mart]

I love childish jokes too.

Teacher: Didn't you hear me call you ?
Pupil: But you said not to answer you back !

Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions ?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here !

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !

Father: How were the exam questions ?
Son: Easy
Father: Then why look so unhappy ?
Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble, just the answers !

Father: Why did you get such a low score in that test ?
Son: Absence
Father: You were absent on the day of the test ?
Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was !

[captnjack]

These really work!! Amazingly simple home remedies:

Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.

You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the wd-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

[Immortal]

Originally Posted by captnjack

These really work!! Amazingly simple home remedies:

Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.

You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the wd-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

LMAO!! Good ones captnjack, I'm going to try all of them!

[Robert]

Not sure why we have so many jokes about church/heaven/hell in here, but might as well continue the theme.

The was a pastor of a church in New Orleans. He a and a few members were in the church when the hurricane Katrina hit and the flood waters started rising. They climbed up to the 2nd floor and holed out for a while as the waters continued to rise. A boat came by and the others were rescued, but the pastor said "Don't worry about me, God will save me." So the boat went on. Later the water had risen above the second floor and another boat came and the captain said "Come quickly, the water is still rising." The pastor replied, "Don't worry about me, God will save me." As the waters continued to rise he climbed up to the steeple, and a helicopter flew by offering him a last chance at rescue, again he replied, "Don't worry about me, God will save me." Later his strength gave out and he slipped off the steeple and into the floodwaters where he drowned. Arriving in heaven, he told St. Peter he had a question for God. So when he got to talk to God, he asked, "You said you would save me from the storm, what happened there?" God replied, "I sent two boats and a helicopter, what more did you want?"

[laranger]

Well, that made me blow coffee through my nose. <sigh> Ruined another keyboard. El Oh Ell

[mart]

Good one Robert, Laranger you know you shouldn't be drinking coffee when your on the jokes thread!, that's just asking for trouble!.