*** Danielle's Journal ***

[danielle_ftv]

Feb. 8th, 2010
One of my fans sent me this link. I recently got a new phone (HTC Evo 4G...stupid to have a 4G phone when we don't even have a 4G network in AZ yet) which I absolutely love...but the word autocorrect is a pain in the butt. I also don't really like how the pictures come out on the phone...the flash on it is incredibly bright.

[danielle_ftv]

Feb. 25, 2011
Good Lord I slept a lot last night (went to sleep at 9pm and woke up at 10am). I think I needed it though since I haven't caught up on sleep in forever (mostly because of my Vegas trip).

So Vegas was a lot of fun. I drove up with two of my friends on Friday. We were supposed to leave at 10am but didn't end up leaving until 11am. I had to drop off LB at my mom's house so that was another 45 minutes slightly out of the way. We got stuck in 2 1/2 hour stand still traffic on the I-93 because of an accident. My phone didn't work so I couldn't even play on the internet or anything. We were surprisingly patient during that 2 1/2 hours. My friends and I stayed at the Tropicana. The room wasn't too bad....it was actually quite spacious. The only thing I didn't like was that it got incredibly humid in the room occasionally. I don't know if it's a common thing for hotels to do now but if you have more than two people staying in a room they charge you more money. I really don't understand that since we stayed in a room that could fit 4 people. My friend Jessica had a promoter friend that she thought was going to "hook us up" for a couple clubs. We started off at this one lounge club called Blush. It wasn't too bad to be honest. The only thing I didn't like was the music. We thought that there was going to be a hosted bar (free alcohol) but apparently that was only for girls and didn't start until 11pm (we ordered a drink 4 minutes before and didn't find out about the 11pm rule so ended up having to pay $30). I really wasn't in the mood to drink so I only had a glass of champagne. We left Blush and went to this one club called Surrender. Jessica and I got in free but our friend Ryan had to pay a $40 cover fee which again irritated them since they thought that the promoter was going to "hook us up". It was pretty much a waste of $40 since we only stayed there for about 10 minutes. I loved the club though. They had a bunch of gogo dancers and it was very spacious. I was pretty surprised about how many girls were in the clubs. Usually the guy to girl ratio is like 70:30 but it was almost 50:50 everywhere we went. We met up with some of our friends at Tao (I hate that club). Again we really only stayed there for about 10 or 15 minutes. I was irritated as heck because it was so crowded (that's the main reason I don't like that place). My friend Jessica almost got in a fight with some girl that started pushing her for no reason. As we were walking out some random guy grabbed my butt. At that point I was so irritated that I was ready to slap him but fortunately for him he took off and I couldn't find him.

Jessica was sick the whole morning and part of the afternoon since she drank so much the night before. We didn't really do much besides eat and hang out with Dallas and her boyfriend Rob. We took a short nap because we knew that some of our more energetic friends were going to be coming in soon and that we probably wouldn't get any sleep until we got home the next day. There was a huge group of my friends going to the Marquee to see Above and Beyond. Our friend told us we had to get there at 8:30 at the latest so we could actually get in. Luckily we did get in and didn't even have to wait in line since we had bought our tickets pre sale. My friend Rob wasn't in a good mood at all because one of the door men made him buy new shoes that cost $280 (he was wearing nice white shoes that would've been perfectly fine in any other club...we just think the door man was being mean). The drinks were incredibly expensive. Dallas bought two double drinks that cost $55. I didn't want to drink at all since I didn't want to be hung over the next day driving back to Phoenix. Everyone was irritated because they were playing top 40's and hip/hop (though mainly hip/hop) right before a trance concert. The club was completely crowded. I really do think that they were way over capacity...it was actually kind of scary how crowded it was. Above and Beyond didn't even get on until 1:30...they were supposed to start at 1pm. I ended up leaving at about 3 since I wasn't in the mood to deal with pushy people anymore (plus I needed to get sleep since I was driving home). The Cosmopolitan where the Marquee is at is a beautiful hotel. I definitely need to stay there sometime. Most of my friends "out partied" Vegas. Apparently they stayed out till all the after hours clubs were closed.

The drive home wasn't bad at all. Jessica, Ryan, and Austin slept almost the whole way home. I almost fell asleep on the road a few times. I didn't want to have anyone else drive since A) it's my car and I don't really trust other people driving my car and B) they were all sleep deprived.

Valentine's day was really nice this year. A whole group of us had a pot luck at my friend Andrew's house. I brought chicken alfredo and an apple cobbler. It was a very laid back Valentine's day which I actually really enjoyed.

Spring break is coming up here pretty soon. Some of my friends are going to Lake Havasu for it. I'm not a big fan of hanging out on boats all day in the sun but it will be something different so I will most likely go. I need to start getting out in the sun a bit before Havasu so I can get used to it and hopefully not get sun stroke and/or bad sunburns like I normally do. I've never been to Havasu but everyone says it's a lot of fun.

I just bought a gym membership to LA Fitness yesterday. I've been eating healthier too. I want to get in pretty good shape by my 23rd birthday in May. I think I can do it if I go on a diet that consists of mainly protein and veggies. My friend who is a personal trainer is going to help me out with that. He told me I need to start doing 30 minutes of cardio right when I wake up and then eating right after that. I also need to start eating smaller meals 4 or 5 times a day. I normally stop eating at about 9pm so I don't really have a problem with that. He told me I need to be doing cardio about 5 or 6 times a week (preferably 6) and then weights 3 or 4 times a week. Weights are pretty easy for me and I don't mind doing it at all...it's cardio that I have a problem with. I have really bad exercise induced asthma and that really affects me doing cardio. I have an inhaler and that seems to help a bit. But to be honest it could also be my fault since when I do cardio I really push my limits.

Love Bug's 1st birthday was last month on the 18th. I feel bad that I forgot about it...I probably would've made her a doggie cake or something. I realized today that I've been in the adult industry for 3 years now. My first porn shoot was up on the internet in March 2008. It amazes me how time just flies by without you noticing. It also feels like as I get older time passes by even quicker. I am incredibly scared of getting older. I used to be the baby of the group but my friend Jessica recently came into the group and took that title from me (she's only 21). I want to experience as much as I possibly can before I get to old or before I don't have time because of school. I have friends that are in their 40's and 50's and still go out to the clubs but I figure I probably won't be able to do things like that since I will be too busy with work. Plus by that time I hope I will be married and have children.

[danielle_ftv]

Mar. 15, 2011
Nothing much has been going on. It's spring break right now which I am really happy about. I don't really have any plans. I was supposed to go to Beyond Wonderland in San Bernadino, CA but decided not to. I am editing my videos and photos from my last shoot on Saturday the 12th. That shoot was actually pretty crazy. The locations we shot at were beautiful but we almost got caught many, many times...I'm actually pretty surprised nobody called the cops on us.

Last Saturday I had a two hour "session" in this BDSM dungeon in Phoenix. It was absolutely amazing. I got to explore a whole different side of me. The dom used a whole bunch of BDSM toys on me including a violet wand (loved it), a posture collar (I actually loved not being able to see what was going on), and a suspension bar (I didn't go all the way off my feet, just on my tip toes). Unfortunately the dom used the whip so much on my lower back that one of my lower back dermal peircings flew off. I just got that fixed yesterday (it was incredibly painful since skin had grown over the anchor). I definitely plan on going to the dungeon more (probably about twice a month since it is kind of pricey).

I also found new male talent to use. We are going to discuss it more on Thursday I think. I don't think he has any experience shooting so I'm not sure how that is going to work. I was thinking about that this morning actually. Getting the video will be a lot easier than getting the photos (honestly I will probably only get enough photos to make the video cover page). I will have to borrow FTVRob's photo camera and just use a small HD video camera for the video.

This year has definitely been a year of improvement for me. Recently I've been working out a lot more (pretty much everyday actually). I've been eating healthier too. I've been waking up earlier and haven't been sleeping as much as I normally do. I've also noticed that I've been distancing myself from people that I think have a negative influence in my life. Saturday I am supposed to go to this sweat lodge for some ceremony. I'm not exactly sure what it is or how it works so I will have to write about it after I've done it.

[danielle_ftv]

Mar. 25, 2010
Last Saturday night I attended a sweat lodge ceremony. My mom was all freaked out about it and tried talking me out of it (and even had my sister try talking me out of it too). I didn't really have any expectations of it and really didn't know what was going to happen. My friend who I went with didn't really tell me too much about it. I was kind of irritated too because when I went through the orientation I found out that I was going to have to speak out loud in front of everyone (that is a pretty hard thing for me to do...I hate public speaking and get incredibly nervous and shy around new people). It turned out pretty well. I now know what hot yoga feels like after having been in the steaming, hot sweat lodge with 20 other people. I'm not sure if it is something I am going to do again. I told my friend Theresa about it and she was thinking about doing it also (if she goes then I will probably go with her so she at least has someone there that she knows).

Other than that things have been pretty chill. I haven't been going out too much. Pretty much the only times I've gone out were when I was meeting up with friends to go eat. I'm kind of over the whole clubbing/partying scene....though I have had the urge to go dancing for the past week now.

Sunday I will be shooting a hardcore scene for the site. I'm kind of nervous about it because the male talent is going to be shooting it. Unfortunately he doesn't have any experience shooting so I have absolutely no idea how it is going to turn out. I am thinking I will probably make it a candid video update for a couple reasons (one being that we don't have a professional camera so we can't take pictures for the coverpage). I think that as long as the video isn't shaky and the lighting isn't too dark I will be happy.

[danielle_ftv]

Apr. 2, 2011
I am so not happy right now. My internet service has been completely screwy lately. I had a webcam show today and the video kept freezing numerous times. I also had to reupload the hardcore video about 4 times before it finally completely uploaded. I just don't understand it. I am supposed to have the highest speeds available and for the money I pay I shouldn't have to deal with these issues. There was a lot of new people who watched the webcam show today. I am hoping that they don't think that the faulty webcam show today was typical of all the webcam shows.

Tonight I am going to my friend Laila's birthday dinner and then we will be going to the Marquee to see Wolfgang Gartner. I haven't seen a lot of my friends in quite a while so it will be nice to see them all. I don't plan on making it a long night since I have plans tomorrow.

Last night was fun. I had girl's night with a different group of my friends (not the typical group I hang out with...though I notice myself hanging out with my friend Theresa quite a bit more lately). We had dinner at Theresa's house. She made an amazing cheesecake pie. She invited a psychic over that did a psychic reading on most of us. A lot of the stuff the psychic said was pretty true for me. It was a good experience. Not sure if I plan on doing it again. I've already had my palm read, a handwriting analysis, and a tarot card reading so this is another fun thing that I get to cross off my "to do" list.

[danielle_ftv]

Apr. 15, 2011
Last night was great. I attended another sweat lodge ceremony. This one was very small (only 5 people including myself). I was definitely a lot more comfortable this time. I was incredibly happy with myself at the end. I felt like I really stuck with it and for the first time I didn't have that hard of a time speaking in front of people. I would definitely attend another sweat lodge ceremony if there are less than 10 people there.

I am incredibly excited about tomorrow night. I scheduled another two hour BDSM session at the dungeon. I am very interested to see how it will go this time and what will be different. I bought this new book called "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns". It's all about BDSM...the lifestyle, the culture, the pyschology behind it. It goes over what it means to be a dom and what it means to be a sub. It also goes over all the BDSM terms and instruments (floggers, bondage devices, etc.). Apparently I am what the BDSM world would consider a "brat". According to the book a brat is "A bottom who enjoys struggling against control or challenging the top...some brats are "testing" their dominate, others have the desire to be "conquered and tamed"." I think it definitely describes me and what I was acting during the last session. I think the description "the desire to be conquered and tamed" is a very apt description for me.

My friend Theresa and I are attending this spiritual retreat in Sedona next month. I think it will be very good for the both of us and I am hoping that it helps us to learn more about ourselves and what we want from life.

[danielle_ftv]

May 11, 2011
Sorry that it's been so long since I've wrote a journal entry. School's over....yeah. My sister's 22nd birthday was last Sunday (same day as mother's day). We will be the same age until my birthday on the 29th. My sister love Outback Steakhouse so we went there for her birthday dinner/early mother's day celebration. For her presents I got her Chanel Mademoiselle perfume and tickets to go see some reggae concert. For my mom's mother's day present I got her a gift certificate to one of her favorite hair salons. I actually have to go pick the gift certificate up tomorrow since I wasn't able to get it on Saturday or Sunday. My dad's birthday is this weekend. We plan on going to a bbq joint for his birthday celebration. I got him a gift card to Amazon since I wasn't exactly sure what he wanted.

I took another "step" on my spiritual journey. A couple weeks ago I attended a healing circle ceremony. It was a pretty long ceremony (I was there from 5:30 to about 11 at night). I didn't do too much other than just sang some healing songs over and over again. It was a good experience but I don't think I will do another healing ceremony again unless it is for someone close to me.

Last Saturday (after shooting and my dinner with the family) I did another two hour BDSM session. This time it was a bit different than the last two sessions. We added a role play element into it. The master was a interrogator and I was a "lady of the court" who had stolen from the king and queen. I rented a 12th or 14th (I researched it but couldn't exactly pinpoint what century it was from) century dress. It was kind of hard to get into character at the beginning....I don't really consider myself an actress. I very much enjoyed it though. It was nice adding something new into my BDSM experiences. The master also did a lot of electric sex toy play. He had used the violet wand on me during the first two sessions and this session not only did he use that but he also added in some other electro sex device (I think it is a Mystim). During this session I was also fully suspended from my wrists (so my whole body was completely off the ground). I didn't care for that too much since I felt like my wrist was slipping out of the restraints. We also did a lot of wax play which I did during the first session but didn't like (I never really realized until that point that I have a fear of hot wax). It was incredibly difficult for me...mainly mentally, because I had to really focus on getting over my fear of hot wax. The whole reason I have a fear of hot wax is because when I was younger I accidentally dropped a whole cup full of incredibly hot melted candle wax all over my face, chest and arm. It scarred my face and I thought the scar would be there for life. Fortunately with a lot of care it went away. I am pretty bruised up right now (mostly on my thighs though). BTW when I do my sessions there is absolutely nothing sexual that happens. It really is only about BDSM. I think for some people it is difficult for them to realize that you can separate sex from BDSM...that they don't go hand in hand.

I really haven't been hanging out with my friends too much lately. I've notice that I've been leaving behind things that I thought had negative influences in my life. I've been spending more time with my friend Theresa (who I am going to the Sedona spiritual retreat not this weekend but next weekend with). It makes me a little sad that I'm not as close to Dallas as I once was. There is actually a possibility that she may not be coming to my birthday dinner celebration which saddens me even more. I just think it is interesting how people change and grow apart from other people they thought would be in their lives forever. I know I can always make more of an effort to spend more time with them but I think I am at a different place in life right now. I will be with them for Electric Daisy Carnival in Las Vegas next month. I still need to buy one of my costumes and make the other costume. One of the nights we are dressing up as the Village People. I will either goes as the biker or cop. The other night we are dressing up as daisies. That is the costume I am going to have to make.

I had to take Love Bug for her yearly vet exam. She had a ton of vaccinations to get done. Luckily she is healthy. The vet did tell me that I need to start brushing her teeth (I was using some teeth cleaning gel on her...but I guess that wasn't working too well). She does have really bad plaque build up in her back teeth...and really bad doggie breath which might be because the plaque.