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06-26-2012, 04:12 AM
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#1 |
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Danielle's Biggest Fan
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Tucson, between the forceps and the stone.
Posts: 336
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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 If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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07-28-2012, 05:43 PM
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#2 | |
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Danielle's Imaginary Boyfriend
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The TARDIS
Posts: 503
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LULZ...
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07-29-2012, 01:22 PM
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Dreaming of Danielle
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 61
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granny
Very good!
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08-22-2012, 07:48 AM
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#4 |
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Danielle's Biggest Fan
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Tucson, between the forceps and the stone.
Posts: 336
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"Only a Farm Kid!"
When you're from the country, your perception is a little bit different.
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer. "No, they went to town." "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "No, he went with Mom and Dad." The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling to himself. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message." "Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant". The boy thought for a moment... "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard." Go ahead, want it all. Just learn to be happy before it arrives, or you may not notice when it does.
__________________
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Last edited by STAR; 08-22-2012 at 07:52 AM. |
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03-29-2013, 08:37 AM
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#5 |
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Danielle's Biggest Fan
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Tucson, between the forceps and the stone.
Posts: 336
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>>>>>>>>
__________________
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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03-30-2014, 02:38 PM
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#6 |
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Danielle Junkie
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: New Hampshire, where men are men and sheep are nervous
Posts: 32
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Pullet Surprise
Fred & Ol' Butch
Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells. Fred's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. To Fred's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. Fred was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pullet Surprise" as well. Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention. Vote carefully in the next election, you can?t always hear the bells. |
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