Jokes

tigger · 09-16-2008, 05:58 PM

Thats a good one

tigger · 09-16-2008, 09:58 PM

AN ELDERLY MAN IN FL. HAD OWNED A LARGE FARM WITH A POND AND SEVERAL FRUIT TREES. AND HE HAD NOT BEEN DOWN TO THE POND FOR A WHILE SO HE THOUGHT HE WOULD GO TO IT AND HE GRABED A PALE TO GATHER SOME FRUIT WHILE HE WAS THERE. AS HE APROATCHED THE POND HE HEARD YOUNG GIRLS CAIRING ON. AND HE ANOUNCED HIS ARIVAL TO DISCOVER THE GIRLS WERE SKINNY DIPING. THE GIRLS QUICKLY MOVED TO DEEPER WATER AND SAID THEY WERE NOT COMMING OUT TILL THE OLD MAN LEFT. THE OLD MAN REPLYED , I DID NOT COME TO WATCH YOU GIRLES I CAME TO FEED THE ALIGATOR!!!!!!!! MORAL= SOME OLD MEN CAN STILL THINK FAST WHEN THE NEED ARISES.

tigger · 09-17-2008, 12:51 AM

This isnt a joke but it's funny. I was sitting in my motel room looking at the beautiful danielle's sight when screems from the next room i ran out to be joined by my boss and the rest of the team. Wendy the new girl on the team was screeming and amanda was out side her room yelling there is an creature in there room so all of us guys entered the room wendy was on top of the sink in a towel yelling and pointing into the bathroom. Yelling shoot it. My team leader looked around the corner intothe bathroom gun drawn. Stood up turned and looked at wendy and grabed a loose towel and thru it in the bathroom and bent over and picked up the towel and carried it out side and dumped it out and out fell this little green lizard about 4 in long he looked at them and said two federal agents afraid of a baby lizard. These things are every ware around here. Them two are not going to sleep at all tonight.lol

Texasdrake · 09-17-2008, 01:31 AM

Yeah that is funny. One question...how short was the towel? (LOL)

tigger · 09-17-2008, 01:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by texasdrake

yeah that is funny. One question...how short was the towel? (lol)

it covered everything!

laranger · 09-17-2008, 01:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texasdrake

Yeah that is funny. One question...how short was the towel? (LOL)

Pervert!!!

Ask the lizard.

WhyYou · 09-17-2008, 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tigger

This isnt a joke but it's funny. I was sitting in my motel room looking at the beautiful danielle's sight when screems from the next room i ran out to be joined by my boss and the rest of the team. Wendy the new girl on the team was screeming and amanda was out side her room yelling there is an creature in there room so all of us guys entered the room wendy was on top of the sink in a towel yelling and pointing into the bathroom. Yelling shoot it. My team leader looked around the corner intothe bathroom gun drawn. Stood up turned and looked at wendy and grabed a loose towel and thru it in the bathroom and bent over and picked up the towel and carried it out side and dumped it out and out fell this little green lizard about 4 in long he looked at them and said two federal agents afraid of a baby lizard. These things are every ware around here. Them two are not going to sleep at all tonight.lol

That IS funny!

laranger · 09-17-2008, 11:16 PM

A fellow decided to decorate his bedroom.
He wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper he would need but
he knew that the Irishman who lived next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.
"Murphy," he asked, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"
"Ten" said Murphy.
So the fellow bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job.
It looked wonderful, but he had 2 rolls of wallpaper left over.
"Murphy," he said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 left over!"
"Dat's funny," said Murphy. "So did I.

tigger · 09-17-2008, 11:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by laranger

A fellow decided to decorate his bedroom.
He wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper he would need but
he knew that the Irishman who lived next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.
"Murphy," he asked, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"
"Ten" said Murphy.
So the fellow bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job.
It looked wonderful, but he had 2 rolls of wallpaper left over.
"Murphy," he said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 left over!"
"Dat's funny," said Murphy. "So did I.

That is my sister to a t

DWM222 · 09-18-2008, 03:22 AM

Elephant's Memory - Touching Story

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduation from college. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed so Mbembe approched it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large thorn deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For several tense moments Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.

Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later he was walking through a zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

09-16-2008, 05:58 PM	#1
tigger Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: out yonder way! Posts: 1,093	Thats a good one __________________ IF YOU SEE ME RUNNING YOU BETTER BE RIGHT BEHIND ME!!!!

09-16-2008, 09:58 PM	#2
tigger Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: out yonder way! Posts: 1,093	AN ELDERLY MAN IN FL. HAD OWNED A LARGE FARM WITH A POND AND SEVERAL FRUIT TREES. AND HE HAD NOT BEEN DOWN TO THE POND FOR A WHILE SO HE THOUGHT HE WOULD GO TO IT AND HE GRABED A PALE TO GATHER SOME FRUIT WHILE HE WAS THERE. AS HE APROATCHED THE POND HE HEARD YOUNG GIRLS CAIRING ON. AND HE ANOUNCED HIS ARIVAL TO DISCOVER THE GIRLS WERE SKINNY DIPING. THE GIRLS QUICKLY MOVED TO DEEPER WATER AND SAID THEY WERE NOT COMMING OUT TILL THE OLD MAN LEFT. THE OLD MAN REPLYED , I DID NOT COME TO WATCH YOU GIRLES I CAME TO FEED THE ALIGATOR!!!!!!!! MORAL= SOME OLD MEN CAN STILL THINK FAST WHEN THE NEED ARISES. __________________ IF YOU SEE ME RUNNING YOU BETTER BE RIGHT BEHIND ME!!!!

09-17-2008, 12:51 AM	#3
tigger Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: out yonder way! Posts: 1,093	This isnt a joke but it's funny. I was sitting in my motel room looking at the beautiful danielle's sight when screems from the next room i ran out to be joined by my boss and the rest of the team. Wendy the new girl on the team was screeming and amanda was out side her room yelling there is an creature in there room so all of us guys entered the room wendy was on top of the sink in a towel yelling and pointing into the bathroom. Yelling shoot it. My team leader looked around the corner intothe bathroom gun drawn. Stood up turned and looked at wendy and grabed a loose towel and thru it in the bathroom and bent over and picked up the towel and carried it out side and dumped it out and out fell this little green lizard about 4 in long he looked at them and said two federal agents afraid of a baby lizard. These things are every ware around here. Them two are not going to sleep at all tonight.lol __________________ IF YOU SEE ME RUNNING YOU BETTER BE RIGHT BEHIND ME!!!!

09-17-2008, 01:31 AM	#4
Texasdrake Danielle's Biggest Fan Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Ft.Worth,Tx Posts: 399	Yeah that is funny. One question...how short was the towel? (LOL) __________________ I didn't do it!!! The dog did.

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09-17-2008, 11:16 PM	#8
laranger Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Colorado Posts: 604	A fellow decided to decorate his bedroom. He wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper he would need but he knew that the Irishman who lived next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size. "Murphy," he asked, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?" "Ten" said Murphy. So the fellow bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job. It looked wonderful, but he had 2 rolls of wallpaper left over. "Murphy," he said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 left over!" "Dat's funny," said Murphy. "So did I.

09-18-2008, 03:22 AM	#10
DWM222 Danielle's Biggest Fan Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Colorado Posts: 478	Elephant's Memory - Touching Story In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduation from college. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed so Mbembe approched it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large thorn deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For several tense moments Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later he was walking through a zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him. Probably wasn't the same elephant.