Contacting an old flame?

Seth · 02-27-2009, 06:51 PM

Around 12 years ago I was close to and very attracted to a girl who worked at the place where I had a part time job. We used to go out, and whilst there was flirting, nothing ever happened between the two of us. I've often wandered over the years what happened to her, as once we left that part time job, we lost contact. I've wished so many times I'd asked her out and I'd found out if she was the right girl for me. As the years have past, I worry that I now look back at her with 'rose tinted glasses'

Now, with facebook, I'm finding a lot of old friends. And this girl is one I have found. I've not contacted here. I can't decide if it's best to leave it with the memories I have, or should I contact her and say hi and see what shes been doing.

What you think?

ugo · 02-27-2009, 06:55 PM

But how can you be convinced if you return to find old friends and girls?
I do not think that the whole world is inside Facebook (or similar).

Longhornbill · 02-27-2009, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seth

Around 12 years ago I was close to and very attracted to a girl who worked at the place where I had a part time job. We used to go out, and whilst there was flirting, nothing ever happened between the two of us. I've often wandered over the years what happened to her, as once we left that part time job, we lost contact. I've wished so many times I'd asked her out and I'd found out if she was the right girl for me. As the years have past, I worry that I now look back at her with 'rose tinted glasses'

Now, with facebook, I'm finding a lot of old friends. And this girl is one I have found. I've not contacted here. I can't decide if it's best to leave it with the memories I have, or should I contact her and say hi and see what shes been doing.

What you think?

Nothing ventured nothing gained. How will you ever know if you do not take a risk? What do you have to loose but a memory of the past -- and the past is not where one should dwell.
Longhornbill

Seth · 02-27-2009, 06:59 PM

I don't live in the country where I was born and grew up, so I've lost contact with a lot of people. I find something like facebook a useful way to catch up with old friends that I've lost touch with, and it's nice to see what they're up to. If I find one, normally I just send them a message and say hi. But this one, because I had such a crush on her when I was younger, I can't figure if I should say hi or leave here alone

These thoughts probably also have something to do with the fact it's Friday night and I'm home alone

ugo · 02-27-2009, 07:13 PM

Sometimes the Internet is the salvation of those who lost contact (even that of the love).
But can we really expect those little miracles in order to find our lost love.
And if the world back on as before if we are reunited, the old love.
Or accept the new things of who sends news changed.

WhyYou · 02-27-2009, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seth

I don't live in the country where I was born and grew up, so I've lost contact with a lot of people. I find something like facebook a useful way to catch up with old friends that I've lost touch with, and it's nice to see what they're up to. If I find one, normally I just send them a message and say hi. But this one, because I had such a crush on her when I was younger, I can't figure if I should say hi or leave here alone

These thoughts probably also have something to do with the fact it's Friday night and I'm home alone

Write to her and say Hi. If nothing else, you can be her friend.

Anoree · 02-27-2009, 09:24 PM

Your old flame might be happily married by now and have kids. But even though, she might like to hear what happened to you, too.

Even if she doesn't want to write back, you still would have your memories. I'd give it a try.

MISSY · 02-27-2009, 09:36 PM

Send her a letter and say HI it can't hurt!

Geezer · 02-27-2009, 10:34 PM

Yeah, I've done that many times - find an "old friend" on Facebook or Myspace or Classmates and written to them. One of the girls I had a crush on in High School is now living with her female "life partner" after being married and having two daughters. Another High School gal friend is now living about 20 miles from me and I had NO idea until I wrote to her on Classmates.

I say "write to the girl." You are probably afraid of "being rejected" but... nothing ventured, nothing gains.

laranger · 02-28-2009, 12:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by missy

send her a letter and say hi it can't hurt!

missy sighting!!!!!

eastbill · 02-28-2009, 02:01 AM

i contacted an old flame and have become very good friends... she is married now... but we can stillbe good friends. her husband is a good guy.

CK1 · 02-28-2009, 02:07 AM

the way i see it is simple. if you don't try to contact her and talk to her, you will always wonder what could have been. even if you don't get a response, at least you know you tried. and maybe she will want to continue the friendship, maybe it will lead to more, maybe it won't but at least you will not have that nagging voice in the back of you head asking "what if..."

laranger · 02-28-2009, 03:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CK1

the way i see it is simple. if you don't try to contact her and talk to her, you will always wonder what could have been. even if you don't get a response, at least you know you tried. and maybe she will want to continue the friendship, maybe it will lead to more, maybe it won't but at least you will not have that nagging voice in the back of you head asking "what if..."

Winner!!!!

mart · 02-28-2009, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CK1

the way i see it is simple. if you don't try to contact her and talk to her, you will always wonder what could have been. even if you don't get a response, at least you know you tried. and maybe she will want to continue the friendship, maybe it will lead to more, maybe it won't but at least you will not have that nagging voice in the back of you head asking "what if..."

If only it was that easy. I parted from my partner quite a few years back due to a bad accident i had at work. Which left one side of my face deformed we parted on reasonably good terms it wasn't easy for her nor me. I kept her phone number and for the last year or so i've wanted to give her a call. But i just can't do it. I've actually dialed the number just to hear her voice then hung up. I can't understand why i can't talk her even just to say hello. I'd like her to come back but it's not knowing how she feels now.

laranger · 02-28-2009, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mart

If only it was that easy. I parted from my partner quite a few years back due to a bad accident i had at work. Which left one side of my face deformed we parted on reasonably good terms it wasn't easy for her nor me. I kept her phone number and for the last year or so i've wanted to give her a call. But i just can't do it. I've actually dialed the number just to hear her voice then hung up. I can't understand why i can't talk her even just to say hello. I'd like her to come back but it's not knowing how she feels now.

Perhaps the fear of being rejected again??

MISSY · 02-28-2009, 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by laranger

missy sighting!!!!!

Don't get all excited!!!!!!!!!!

mart · 03-01-2009, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by laranger

Perhaps the fear of being rejected again??

I don't think i was rejected the first time Laranger, but i know what you mean. We did part as friends and now i'm thinking as she hasn't phoned me over the years. So i guess that may be the answer as she's moved on. I just feel a little sad without her sometimes.

danielle_ftv · 03-01-2009, 06:28 PM

I totally think you should go for it. Who knows, you guys might still have some chemistry there.

Seth · 03-02-2009, 08:48 PM

Thanks for all the opinions guys. I decided y'all were right, so I've made contact

geolarson2 · 03-02-2009, 09:00 PM

Good for you Seth!

Geezer · 03-03-2009, 02:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seth

Thanks for all the opinions guys. I decided y'all were right, so I've made contact

Congrats! I hope it works out the way you want it to.

eastbill · 03-03-2009, 11:19 PM

sounds good seth... hope it works for you.

mart · 03-04-2009, 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by danielle_ftv

I totally think you should go for it. Who knows, you guys might still have some chemistry there.

Thank you for the encouragement Danielle. I aim to phone her soon, wish me luck.

Good luck Seth hope it works out.

danielle_ftv · 03-04-2009, 07:22 PM

How did it go?

mart · 03-05-2009, 06:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by danielle_ftv

How did it go?

I've decided to phone her tomorrow night. I'd like to get the working week out the way first.

laranger · 03-05-2009, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mart

I've decided to phone her tomorrow night. I'd like to get the working week out the way first.

Good luck Mart.

MISSY · 03-05-2009, 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mart

I've decided to phone her tomorrow night. I'd like to get the working week out the way first.

Good luck Mart. You never know, it only takes one spark to get a fire started!

mart · 03-06-2009, 09:50 PM

I finally had the courage to phone Emma tonight only i left it too late. She got married last year. She figured as i hadn't phoned in the last three years i had moved on. I feel a bloody idiot to let this happen. I was gonna ask her why she never phoned me but thought there's no point now. She did ask how i was mentally and physically i said i was ok and that i'd missed her. She didn't answer that she just went silent for a moment. Then she said we could still be friends and that i could call her anytime. I thought to myself i'm not gonna call a married woman. What would i say if her husband answered the phone?. So i told her i won't be phoning again because it wouldn't mean anything and i think it would just make it worse for both of us. She said sorry and that she'll always think of me. What she means by that i'm not sure. All i know is that it's over. Maybe she still feels guilty how our relationship ended. Strangely i feel a slight weight has been taken off my shoulders knowing it's definately over. I really feel like i've kicked myself in the teeth for letting this happen. I still wish her well for her married future. If anyones screwed this relationship up it's me. For trying to save a stupid sawblade.

I really would like thank Danielle, Laranger amd Missy for your encouragement and wishes. I wish i could have told you a happier ending.

laranger · 03-06-2009, 10:26 PM

Mart, I could talk on endlessly on either how what happened is a good thing or how shitty it is, but then after I reread your post I noticed your signature. I believe it says it all, I can add no more.

I am happy you now know where you stand in this situation yet I am also sad that the result is not what you hoped for. I guess closeure is good after all.

Thank you for having the courage to share your story with us, I don't know if I could have done that.

Off to the Pub and I'll buy the first brew for ya.

T-bone Thomas · 03-06-2009, 10:35 PM

I don't know what to say. I'm deeply touched by this story. Mart, you are a great person, a brave man and a real gentleman. I'm proud to know a man like you and to call you a friend.

MISSY · 03-07-2009, 12:10 AM

Mart it is so hard to know what to say in a time like this. I like to think things happen for a reason, maby there is someone better for you out there! I don't think any of this is your fault at all. If it wasnt ment to be then it wasnt ment to be. I loved and lost a lot of men over the years. but then I met Jeromy and i love him with all my heart, he is so good to me. You will meet someone some day.

eastbill · 03-07-2009, 12:12 AM

Mart, I appreciate your openness here. I think it was good that you did try. Even when it did not pan out, but at least you know now. Much better than questioning down the line. I feel for you, i have a woman who i was madly in love with and we are just friends now. not what i wanted...but at least i am not questioning. So good luck with everything.

CK1 · 03-07-2009, 02:16 AM

Mart, I am sorry that it wasn't the outcome you hoped for. but you now have the answers you needed to move on. sometimes it takes time to get clarity on things... especially relationships. I am kind of coming to terms with a relationship that ended over a year ago but that i now know had ended long before then.

mart · 03-07-2009, 03:02 PM

I am touched and thank you for your kind posts Laranger, T-bone, Missy, Eastbill, and CK1. Your words of support are appreciated.

Thank you Seth for making this thread. I think if it wasn't for this thread and this forum. I problably would never had made that phone call. Even though it was not the answer i was hoping for i still thank you all for your support and encouragement. I actually feel a little better today knowing i can now get Emma out of my mind now even though it's not going to be easy. I'v been living alone for a long time so i guess it won't be changing for awhile.

I guess there's a moral here, never leave it too late.

Seth · 03-07-2009, 08:22 PM

Sorry to hear things didn't work out for you. But like you say, you can now move on, you have some closure. I think it's the not knowing that's the worst part. I do think it's best to know one way or the other, even if it's not what we want to hear

Good luck with the future dude

mart · 03-08-2009, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seth

Sorry to hear things didn't work out for you. But like you say, you can now move on, you have some closure. I think it's the not knowing that's the worst part. I do think it's best to know one way or the other, even if it's not what we want to hear

Good luck with the future dude

Thank you Seth.

DWM222 · 03-09-2009, 01:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mart

I finally had the courage to phone Emma tonight only i left it too late. She got married last year. She figured as i hadn't phoned in the last three years i had moved on. I feel a bloody idiot to let this happen. I was gonna ask her why she never phoned me but thought there's no point now. She did ask how i was mentally and physically i said i was ok and that i'd missed her. She didn't answer that she just went silent for a moment. Then she said we could still be friends and that i could call her anytime. I thought to myself i'm not gonna call a married woman. What would i say if her husband answered the phone?. So i told her i won't be phoning again because it wouldn't mean anything and i think it would just make it worse for both of us. She said sorry and that she'll always think of me. What she means by that i'm not sure. All i know is that it's over. Maybe she still feels guilty how our relationship ended. Strangely i feel a slight weight has been taken off my shoulders knowing it's definately over. I really feel like i've kicked myself in the teeth for letting this happen. I still wish her well for her married future. If anyones screwed this relationship up it's me. For trying to save a stupid sawblade.

I really would like thank Danielle, Laranger amd Missy for your encouragement and wishes. I wish i could have told you a happier ending.

Hang in there dude....Just when you think life sucks...It takes on a new & better direction, count on it..been there..

danielle_ftv · 03-09-2009, 11:12 PM

I'm sorry Mart. Someday the right girl for you will come along.

mart · 03-10-2009, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by danielle_ftv

I'm sorry Mart. Someday the right girl for you will come along.

Thank you Danielle i still live in hope and haven't given up yet.

ugo · 03-10-2009, 07:49 PM

What is the life of man without a woman? Wisdom of good living with himself and toward women in general.
What does want the woman of the man ? Love, respect and most adoration.
Moral : in the life, all of us the world we can always have the other half.
If only we can understand the good values to live well together.

02-27-2009, 06:51 PM	#1
Seth Danielle Junkie Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Holland Posts: 47	Contacting an old flame? Around 12 years ago I was close to and very attracted to a girl who worked at the place where I had a part time job. We used to go out, and whilst there was flirting, nothing ever happened between the two of us. I've often wandered over the years what happened to her, as once we left that part time job, we lost contact. I've wished so many times I'd asked her out and I'd found out if she was the right girl for me. As the years have past, I worry that I now look back at her with 'rose tinted glasses' Now, with facebook, I'm finding a lot of old friends. And this girl is one I have found. I've not contacted here. I can't decide if it's best to leave it with the memories I have, or should I contact her and say hi and see what shes been doing. What you think?

02-27-2009, 06:55 PM	#2
ugo Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,556	But how can you be convinced if you return to find old friends and girls? I do not think that the whole world is inside Facebook (or similar). __________________ Hope,Love,sex : Loving a Girl.

02-27-2009, 07:13 PM	#5
ugo Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,556	Sometimes the Internet is the salvation of those who lost contact (even that of the love). But can we really expect those little miracles in order to find our lost love. And if the world back on as before if we are reunited, the old love. Or accept the new things of who sends news changed. __________________ Hope,Love,sex : Loving a Girl.

03-01-2009, 06:28 PM	#18
danielle_ftv Administrator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Phoenix, Arizona Posts: 3,321	I totally think you should go for it. Who knows, you guys might still have some chemistry there. __________________ XOXO Danielle FTV

03-04-2009, 07:22 PM	#24
danielle_ftv Administrator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Phoenix, Arizona Posts: 3,321	How did it go? __________________ XOXO Danielle FTV

02-27-2009, 06:59 PM	#4
Seth Danielle Junkie Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Holland Posts: 47	I don't live in the country where I was born and grew up, so I've lost contact with a lot of people. I find something like facebook a useful way to catch up with old friends that I've lost touch with, and it's nice to see what they're up to. If I find one, normally I just send them a message and say hi. But this one, because I had such a crush on her when I was younger, I can't figure if I should say hi or leave here alone These thoughts probably also have something to do with the fact it's Friday night and I'm home alone

02-27-2009, 09:24 PM	#7
Anoree Moderator Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Germany Posts: 2,015	Your old flame might be happily married by now and have kids. But even though, she might like to hear what happened to you, too. Even if she doesn't want to write back, you still would have your memories. I'd give it a try.

02-27-2009, 09:36 PM	#8
MISSY Danielle's Imaginary Girlfriend Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: VA. Posts: 598	Send her a letter and say HI it can't hurt!

02-27-2009, 10:34 PM	#9
Geezer Danielle's Imaginary Boyfriend Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: San Jose, CA Posts: 895	Yeah, I've done that many times - find an "old friend" on Facebook or Myspace or Classmates and written to them. One of the girls I had a crush on in High School is now living with her female "life partner" after being married and having two daughters. Another High School gal friend is now living about 20 miles from me and I had NO idea until I wrote to her on Classmates. I say "write to the girl." You are probably afraid of "being rejected" but... nothing ventured, nothing gains.

02-28-2009, 02:01 AM	#11
eastbill Danielle's Biggest Fan Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: New Jersey Posts: 283	i contacted an old flame and have become very good friends... she is married now... but we can stillbe good friends. her husband is a good guy.

02-28-2009, 02:07 AM	#12
CK1 Danielle's Biggest Fan Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Near Orlando, Fl Posts: 468	the way i see it is simple. if you don't try to contact her and talk to her, you will always wonder what could have been. even if you don't get a response, at least you know you tried. and maybe she will want to continue the friendship, maybe it will lead to more, maybe it won't but at least you will not have that nagging voice in the back of you head asking "what if..."

03-02-2009, 08:48 PM	#19
Seth Danielle Junkie Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Holland Posts: 47	Thanks for all the opinions guys. I decided y'all were right, so I've made contact

03-02-2009, 09:00 PM	#20
geolarson2 Danielle's Imaginary Boyfriend Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 512	Good for you Seth!

03-03-2009, 11:19 PM	#22
eastbill Danielle's Biggest Fan Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: New Jersey Posts: 283	sounds good seth... hope it works for you.

03-06-2009, 09:50 PM	#28
mart Danielle's Only True Love Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Garden of England, Kent Posts: 2,189	I finally had the courage to phone Emma tonight only i left it too late. She got married last year. She figured as i hadn't phoned in the last three years i had moved on. I feel a bloody idiot to let this happen. I was gonna ask her why she never phoned me but thought there's no point now. She did ask how i was mentally and physically i said i was ok and that i'd missed her. She didn't answer that she just went silent for a moment. Then she said we could still be friends and that i could call her anytime. I thought to myself i'm not gonna call a married woman. What would i say if her husband answered the phone?. So i told her i won't be phoning again because it wouldn't mean anything and i think it would just make it worse for both of us. She said sorry and that she'll always think of me. What she means by that i'm not sure. All i know is that it's over. Maybe she still feels guilty how our relationship ended. Strangely i feel a slight weight has been taken off my shoulders knowing it's definately over. I really feel like i've kicked myself in the teeth for letting this happen. I still wish her well for her married future. If anyones screwed this relationship up it's me. For trying to save a stupid sawblade. I really would like thank Danielle, Laranger amd Missy for your encouragement and wishes. I wish i could have told you a happier ending. __________________ If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get

03-06-2009, 10:26 PM	#29
laranger Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Colorado Posts: 604	Mart, I could talk on endlessly on either how what happened is a good thing or how shitty it is, but then after I reread your post I noticed your signature. I believe it says it all, I can add no more. I am happy you now know where you stand in this situation yet I am also sad that the result is not what you hoped for. I guess closeure is good after all. Thank you for having the courage to share your story with us, I don't know if I could have done that. Off to the Pub and I'll buy the first brew for ya. __________________ Mediocrity shouldn't be a life goal.

03-06-2009, 10:35 PM	#30
T-bone Thomas Danielle's Biggest Fan Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Germany Posts: 437	I don't know what to say. I'm deeply touched by this story. Mart, you are a great person, a brave man and a real gentleman. I'm proud to know a man like you and to call you a friend.

03-07-2009, 12:10 AM	#31
MISSY Danielle's Imaginary Girlfriend Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: VA. Posts: 598	Mart it is so hard to know what to say in a time like this. I like to think things happen for a reason, maby there is someone better for you out there! I don't think any of this is your fault at all. If it wasnt ment to be then it wasnt ment to be. I loved and lost a lot of men over the years. but then I met Jeromy and i love him with all my heart, he is so good to me. You will meet someone some day.

03-07-2009, 12:12 AM	#32
eastbill Danielle's Biggest Fan Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: New Jersey Posts: 283	Mart, I appreciate your openness here. I think it was good that you did try. Even when it did not pan out, but at least you know now. Much better than questioning down the line. I feel for you, i have a woman who i was madly in love with and we are just friends now. not what i wanted...but at least i am not questioning. So good luck with everything.

03-07-2009, 02:16 AM	#33
CK1 Danielle's Biggest Fan Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Near Orlando, Fl Posts: 468	Mart, I am sorry that it wasn't the outcome you hoped for. but you now have the answers you needed to move on. sometimes it takes time to get clarity on things... especially relationships. I am kind of coming to terms with a relationship that ended over a year ago but that i now know had ended long before then.

03-07-2009, 03:02 PM	#34
mart Danielle's Only True Love Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Garden of England, Kent Posts: 2,189	I am touched and thank you for your kind posts Laranger, T-bone, Missy, Eastbill, and CK1. Your words of support are appreciated. Thank you Seth for making this thread. I think if it wasn't for this thread and this forum. I problably would never had made that phone call. Even though it was not the answer i was hoping for i still thank you all for your support and encouragement. I actually feel a little better today knowing i can now get Emma out of my mind now even though it's not going to be easy. I'v been living alone for a long time so i guess it won't be changing for awhile. I guess there's a moral here, never leave it too late. __________________ If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get Last edited by mart; 03-07-2009 at 03:17 PM.

03-07-2009, 08:22 PM	#35
Seth Danielle Junkie Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Holland Posts: 47	Sorry to hear things didn't work out for you. But like you say, you can now move on, you have some closure. I think it's the not knowing that's the worst part. I do think it's best to know one way or the other, even if it's not what we want to hear Good luck with the future dude

03-09-2009, 11:12 PM	#38
danielle_ftv Administrator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Phoenix, Arizona Posts: 3,321	I'm sorry Mart. Someday the right girl for you will come along. __________________ XOXO Danielle FTV

03-10-2009, 07:49 PM	#40
ugo Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,556	What is the life of man without a woman? Wisdom of good living with himself and toward women in general. What does want the woman of the man ? Love, respect and most adoration. Moral : in the life, all of us the world we can always have the other half. If only we can understand the good values to live well together. __________________ Hope,Love,sex : Loving a Girl.