Jokes

[DWM222]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygtBxhFc24A

Someone sent me this..so I thought I'd share...these girls can drive LOL

[mart]

Funny video DWM222 although it really shoudn't be funny lol. How did these women pass their test!. I know women are reknowned for bad parking but did they have to prove it on film lol. I was in tears watching that woman trying to park her car in the slot then the guy parks it in 20 seconds flat. At least she didn't hit any other cars lol. How the hell did the woman overturn at the gates!.

[Geezer]

Originally Posted by DWM222

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygtBxhFc24A

Someone sent me this..so I thought I'd share...these girls can drive LOL

I loved the end of the video where the guy whizzes into a parking spot! I wish I could do that!!

[DWM222]

Yep...It sure made me chuckle Mart....& Geezer, I thought that was you in the video...LOL

[DWM222]

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his *** while he is on fire.

Further studies are expected.

[WhyYou]

This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26.

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far *** kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and *** kissing that will put you over the top.

[captnjack]

That's good whyyou

[Anoree]

Hmm, I must have gotten something wrong ...

L-A-Y-S-I-N-E-S-S
12+1+25+19+9+14+5+19+19 = 123%

Edit:
I knew something was wrong. It's written LAZINESS.
12+1+26+9+14+5+19+19 = 105% - still above 100%

[ugo]

Originally Posted by DWM222

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygtBxhFc24A

Someone sent me this..so I thought I'd share...these girls can drive LOL

Good One DWM222 !!
AaaH hahaha,.....Im very fun !!!!
But women can not be too ignorant!

[laranger]

In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic Control facility, all aircraft in the Persian Gulf AOR are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting Iranian airspace.

This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and points of origin and destination.



I just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai . It's too good not to pass along:



Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'

Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'

Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'

Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'




Air Defense Radar: (no response ... total silence)

[tigger]

Originally Posted by laranger

in addition to communicating with the local air traffic control facility, all aircraft in the persian gulf aor are required to give the iranian air defense radar (military) a ten minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting iranian airspace.

This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and points of origin and destination.



I just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the vhf guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 mhz while flying from europe to dubai . It's too good not to pass along:



Iranian air defense radar: 'unknown aircraft you are in iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'

aircraft: 'this is a united states aircraft. I am in iraqi airspace.'

air defense radar: 'you are in iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'

aircraft: 'this is a united states marine corps fa-18 fighter. Send 'em up, i'll wait!'




air defense radar: (no response ... Total silence)

i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mart]

Originally Posted by laranger

In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic Control facility, all aircraft in the Persian Gulf AOR are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting Iranian airspace.

This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and points of origin and destination.



I just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai . It's too good not to pass along:



Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'

Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'

Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'

Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'




Air Defense Radar: (no response ... total silence)

The message is...don't mess with the big boys lol.

[Geezer]

At the end of the tax year the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?'


'Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.'

'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual

question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: 'What about all these bread wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?'

'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to
trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send them back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread wafers.'

'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.

'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?'


'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi. 'What we do is save
all the foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.'

[YetAnotherDave]

Originally Posted by Geezer

At the end of the tax year the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?'


'Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.'

'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual

question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: 'What about all these bread wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?'

'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to
trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send them back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread wafers.'

'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.

'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?'


'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi. 'What we do is save
all the foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.'

Love it !!!

[Geezer]

When your wife has chores for you:



Look at the sofa carefully!

[MISSY]

Originally Posted by Geezer

At the end of the tax year the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?'


'Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.'

'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual

question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: 'What about all these bread wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?'

'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to
trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send them back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread wafers.'

'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.

'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?'


'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi. 'What we do is save
all the foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.'

I love this one. Going to add it to my joke list.

[ugo]

This kind I will have already seen from Alison's Chat.
It's very curious.

http://www.flashgames.it/numa.numa.dance.html


Curious difference between Europe and Italy. To laugh. But sometimes Italy is really so.

http://www.flashgames.it/europa.italia.html