*** Danielle's Journal ***

[danielle_ftv]

January 04, 2010
So I'm pretty sick right now (and have been since New Years eve day). I will write about my New Years experience tomorrow when I am hopefully feeling better.

[danielle_ftv]

January 07, 2010
I just got finished reading and posting on the forum and read on the question thread a question about losing my virginity. I don't know if I told this to you guys before (or if I even should now since some people may find it kind of icky) but I actually didn't lose my virginity to a guy...I mean technically I didn't. When I was 13 I was severly anemic and had to go to the hospital because I was losing so much blood. The doctors had to put this medical device way up inside of me down there and that's what I lost my virginity on. I remember being so messed up from blood loss and from the medication they were pumping into me that I told my mom in front of a bunch of doctors and nurses that I "hoped that wasn't what sex felt like" lol. I remember her blushing so bad from that. So anyways, yep...my first time was with a medical device. At least I got the pain done with then and didn't have to deal with it on my 15th birthday when I had real sex.

Thursday morning I woke up with a sore throat. I have a theory that whenever I get super excited about something I start getting sick (it happened for New Years and it's happened during many other holidays and fun events.) All my friends had arrived at the hotel before me (I ended up having to change my flight to an earlier time so that way I would have enough time to hang out, eat dinner, and get ready.) I definitely think that my group was the biggest in the whole hotel. My group are total rockstars! I ended up getting to sleep before anyone else and that was at like 4 in the morning. One of our friends who is also a local dj here in Phoenix was spinning at the Resolutions party (the party on New Years day) so a couple of my friends ended up staying up until 9:30 in the morning to see him. There was no hot water New Years day so everyone got like 50% of their rooms, which was really sweet since I had booked two rooms.

I didn't end up going to the Resolutions party since I was super sick (coughing, sneezing, running nose, etc.) That weekend was also pretty uneventful since I didn't feel like doing anything other than laying around watching tv. I watched more tv that weekend than I've done in a very long time. I ended up seeing that movie Paranormal Activity (not a good movie to see when you live alone.) This week has been pretty busy for me. Yesterday Dallas and I went to Chandler Fashion Square (one of my fave malls since they have a Windsor Store there) to get our AVN dresses. I ended up getting my dress at Windsor and it was the first dress I tried on. It's super sexy. It's all black, fitted down to my knees and then flares out mermaid style. The straps are rhinestones, so I got these sexy dangly rhinestone earrings and a rhinestone bracelet to match. After the mall we went and got our nails done. I left my jacket there and need to remember to pick it up. Will probably do that tomorrow, but then that also would require me to drive all the way over there.

I also got airbrushed tanned last night, so sleeping last night was not the most comfortable thing in the world. The liquid they spray on you is kind of weird smelling (not bad, just different.) The one thing I hate about it is how sticky it makes you feel. I have a bad enough time with humidity (which thank gawd I don't have to deal with in Arizona.) I ran out of books yesterday so had to run to a bookstore to grab more books to read. I hate being out after I've gotten the tan done. It's super dark before you wash off the bronzer so I'm sure I looked pretty funny. I noticed nobody would really look me in the eye (or maybe that was just me being too embarassed to look anybody in the eyes.) Dallas wanted me to go out last night with the group but I decided to stay in since I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to get even worse (which unfortunately seems to be happening.)

Today I got my eyelash extensions put on. The lady that does the eyelash extensions made a video showing people how to take care of the eyelashes....guess who's the eyelash model...me! I want to post the video but the last thing I want is to cause trouble for the eyelash lady because she has an adult model on her website. I was supposed to get my hair done today (which I need really, really bad right now) but unfortunately my guy had to cancel on me. Fortunately I can get it done before school starts but unfortunately I can't get it done before my shoot next Tuesday. I just bought my Valentines day costume and they shoot "item(s)" that I will be using. It's definitely going to be a very...fetishy shoot, I'm sure not all of you are going to like it, but whatever, it's going to be fun for me. I will be putting up my hardcore video on the site in the next couple of days. Get ready for it everyone. Actually I probably will need to do another hardcore video this next shoot day.

Did I tell you guys that I signed up for school? I'm taking math, English (freaking lame...I thought I tested out of English but apparently you can't test out of English), fencing (hopefully they don't cancel this class again), and philosophy of sexuality. I wanted to take this other sex class but I would've had to wake up super early (like at 9 or something crazy like that) and I've vowed to never take classes were I have to wake up before 10 AM. I just wish they offered classes I am interested in at night instead of in the morning.

So this weekend is the AVN awards. I'm so excited....I just wish I wasn't sick. I'm hoping that I can get better tonight and tomorrow. There are a few girls there that I am hoping to meet up with (April O'Neil is one.) Who knows...maybe I'll see some of you guys who are planning on going, there also.

[danielle_ftv]

Jan. 12, 2010
So I just got done with a hardcore hour of cardio. I'm really psyching myself up to start eating healthier and get in better shape. I have calculatted that by April 27th I should be in perfect shape. I went pretty crazy last week shopping for food. I bought a bunch of fish, fruits, veggies, yogurt, and chicken. The only problem is...well I don't really cook. All the meat I've bought is sitting in the freezer (heck, some of the stuff I've bought has been sitting in there for like four months now). I bought a bunch of ziplock containers so I can cook a bunch of stuff at once and just store it in the fridge. Lately I've just been snacking on yogurt, fruits and veggies since I'm too lazy to cook. I actually need to get more yogurt since I've almost eaten all of it.

So the AVN Awards were a ton of fun. I was still sick going there but for whatever reason as soon as I got a drink in me at the airport I started feeling a lot better. When we got to the Vegas airport Dallas and I ended up doing an oxygen bar "treatment". I'm not sure if it actually helped, but the massage they gave me was AWESOME. The first night was a ton of fun. Dallas and I went to Sapphires Gentlemen's club and spent a bunch of money (as usual). Then went to the Venetian to meet up with some friends and from there we went to this bar/club (I think it was Lavo). What's really funny is that for the first time I had somebody recognize me in public and actually come up and introduce themselves. What's even funnier is that it was Sara Peachez (another website girl)! We ended up hanging out with her group and decided to go to Drai's. When we got down to the taxi line to go to Drai's I remembered that I needed to get cash so Dallas and I had to go back upstairs to the ATM. Well when we came back everyone was gone. We thought that they had already left for Drai's so we went ahead and took a cab over there. About 30 minutes later the group showed up. Apparently they thought that we were going to the restroom and decided that they needed to go to the restroom to and then ended up searching for us in the Venetian for heading to Drai's. So that night I barely got an of sleep (about 3 hours).

We didn't do much the next day since we had a hair appointment at 6. Dallas and I were kind of irritated after finding out how much our hair cost us ($102!) I liked my hair...but not really. Honestly I wish I had gotten a hairdo that was down or at least half up and half down instead of all up. I was super worried about the dress I was planning on wearing because I thought it was going to be too formal. I ended up trying on my purple dress (you guys have seen me in it before) but Dallas talked me into wearing the dress I had bought for the awards. Neither of us could figure out if we were supposed to walk the red carpet or not but fortunately Dallas got ahold of our friend Kevin from Hexed Media and he told us to walk it. We walked around quiet a bit trying to find were it was supposed to be and finally found it hidden in this weird exit location. Walking the red carpet was....nerve wrecking to say the least. I was so freaking nervous that pretty much the whole time I held Dallas hand and rushed us from one spot to another without really taking my time for pictures. Next time I do anything like this is I am going to A) wear my hair down B) probably get a drink of alcohol in me to calm down C) practice posing better and D) get talent seats. FTVChris ended up getting Dallas and I seats in the fan section and not the talent section so unfortunately I wasn't able to really hang out or talk to any porn stars.

I hate to say this but one of the things that irritated me the most was that people were taking more pictures of Dallas than they were of me. I mean come on...I'm the porn star here. If I was in her place I would have been shoving me foward and would've been telling people to take pictures of me and not her. But you know what...I figured it out...it's because she's skinny. People are drawn to skinny girls and putting me next to her, well I'm a giant next to her. Big boobs rock, but tiny girls always win unfortunately. As much as people say that they like the way I look and they prefer women like me, most people prefer skinnier girls (especially in this business.) If I plan on going anywhere in this business then I need to get in rockin' shape. That's one of the reasons why I'm working out and trying to get in shape more.

The awards ceremony was a ton of fun to watch. Belladonna did this really hot dance with her dance troupe. Baby Bash also did a routine and there were these really cool (and hot) circus performers doing acrobatics all over the stage. We actually met Baby Bash's band when we were walking from the Palm's Place towers to the casino. I was laughing because at the beginning of the show the announcer was telling the crowd to do different things ("now everyone clap", "now everyone laugh" etc.) At first I couldn't figure out why the hell they were doing that then I realized that the AVN's are supposed to air on HBO or some channel like that and apparently that's how they do the "reaction shots". I wonder if that's how it is at the Grammy's, Oscars, etc.

Watching the awards definitely made me want to get...deeper (that's the only word I can think of right now) in this business. I want to win a bunch of awards and have people yell and cheer for me when my name is called out. Sasha Grey got the Jenna Jameson Crossover Star of the Year award. I absolutely want to win that award. I remember seeing Jenna Jameson and several other pornstars on different advertisements (and for things that aren't even adult related). That's what I want to do! It just sucks because I feel like I don't really have any way of accomplishing these things. First off I have no idea were to begin. I don't know who to contact and what to do. It sucks having all these dreams but having no idea how to make them a reality.

After the awards we went to a friends bungalow party before heading to the nightclub Rain where Paul Oakenfold was doing his Perfecto tour. It was actually pretty sweet hearing him live after hearing him on XM radio all this time. We ended up going to Moon because I thought April O'Neil was going to be there (I was hoping to meet up with her sometime during that weekend but that didn't happen.) We all went to Drai's (I think this was around 4ish or so) but went back to the hotel because the line was super long to get in. Dallas ended up going back to the room to crash out but I was doing it rockstar style and partied until about 6ish with my friends before finally deciding I was far to delirious to be up any longer.

So my sister is in town this week for my nephews first birthday. My mom wants the girls to go out to get manis/pedis and to do dinner and a movie. Fortunately you don't really have to talk during manis/pedis and movies but dinner is going to be a hassle. My sister and I can only seem to get along for about an hour before we are at each others throats. Maybe if I ply her with alcohol she will be nicer to me (though my mom would not appreciate that one bit.) School starts next week. I'm excited...but not. It's going to suck having to get back into the swing of things and not have days were I can just lounge around and do absolutely nothing (though I will have Friday, Saturdays, and Sundays to do that.) I'm going to be pretty busy March and April. The Phoenix Forum is April 8th - 10th (right during school). And in March I'm going to the Miami Winter Music Conference the 25th to the 29th and at some point will be doing a shoot in Hawaii with FTVRob. My next shoot is on Wednesday the 20th. I will be doing my Valentine's day shoot, probably another hardcore shoot, and I'm not sure what else.

[danielle_ftv]

Jan. 26, 2010
Okay what a bad time for the website to start screwing up on me. For whatever reason I can't seem to upload HTML pages onto the website...and unfortunately Rob is in Hawaii for a dental conference and won't be back until Friday or Saturday.

BTW I am totally dropping my philosophy of sexuality class. I am just not into philosophy at all. The whole time it just felt like we were talking ourselves around in circles. I guess I'm a very black and white person. I like things to be...definite. Other than that class, all my other classes have been going really well. I love my English class. The teacher is awesome and the past two classes I've had a blast in. My math class is...interesting. The teacher is this really cool hippy like man that loves Google.

My fencing class is going to be fun, but it's also going to be pretty difficult too. I only have that class once a week but it's for like two hours. Yesterday during the fencing class we were learning advances, retreats, and lunges. For whatever reason I was having a difficult time doing the lunges. First off I kept my arms pretty straight ahead of me to begin with so he would say "extend" and my arm would already be extended. Then he would say "lunge" and I would lunge but my front foot wouldn't step foward some of the time. Another one of my problems is that I naturally seem to drag my feet during the movements so it would kind of mess me up on my retreats. We are using the foil (one of the three swords you use in fencing). The teacher showed us all the swords and told us about each of them. Personally I think I would be better at the sabre which they use with cutting/slashing type motions.

This weekend I am going to Big Bear to go snowboarding. I think I will probably take a lesson the first day (since I'm only been snowboarding once when I was like 15 years old.) As usual I started feeling sick last night (I really do get sick everytime something exciting happens to me.) It's only a sore throat though so I think I can kick it before Big Bear.

[danielle_ftv]

February 08, 2010
Dallas threw a Superbowl party at her house yesterday. We figured we would have about 30 people there but I think only 15-20 people showed up (which was a good thing since there really isn't all that much room at her place.) We made jello shots (which I ended up doing way too many of) and jungle juice (which was really nasty!). All the girls were routing for the Saints (I picked them because they are from my home state). Personally I don't really like football and really don't like watching the games, but it's always fun hanging out with the group.

I didn't get much sleep Saturday night so Sunday was kind of...spacey for me. I ended up going out to eat at Postinos (I love their food and they have awesome bruschetta). From there we went to Sanctum which is this weird gothic club in a weird part of Phoenix. I was actually pretty entertained while there. They were playing industrial music and a lot of 80's Depeche Mode type music. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't what we all were looking for. We ended up leaving and went to Bar Smith. The music was even worse there. Apparently they were playing what my friend likes to call "old school house" like something you hear clubs in San Fransisco playing. I just thought it was crappy music. From there we went to this German restaurant, The Black Mills, which turns into a nightclub on Fridays and Saturdays. It's actually pretty freaking random! The music there was good most of the time. The first DJ sucked big time. From TBM we went to Cin Cin in oldtown Scottsdale where we stayed for about 20 minutes before going to an after-afterparty at the Optima (these really sweet and expensive condos in Scottsdale). I didn't get to sleep until about 7 in the morning. I was actually pretty surprised because Dallas wanted me over at her place at 11 AM (I didn't get up until 1). I was totally expecting her to be p!ssed off at me for not being on time (but the game wasn't even until 4:30 anyways...so it really didn't matter.)

Friday night a few of us went to Revolver (this new club that opened in oldtown Scottsdale.) I liked the club itself, but the music was pretty iffy. From there we went to American Junkie where I met up with Aaron, Lia and her group. We took off at about 1 and went to ***** Cat Lounge where my friend works as a promoter (though I didn't see him that night.) I actually got home at a pretty decent time that night...though I didn't get to sleep until about 4ish.

Snowboarding the weekend before last was awesome. Thursday night we went to this club in Hollywood. I wasn't really sure about going to a club especially since we were supposed to be on our way by like 7 or some crazy early time like that. Of course we didn't actually take off at that time since we didn't get back home until 4 or 5 in the morning. I ended up drinking way too much that night. At one point I was trying to show one of my friends a picture of Dallas' new boobs on my cell phone when I realized that I didn't have my cell phone anymore. We spent like an hour searching for my phone before realizing that it was gone. I was so upset....my phone is pretty much my lifeline to the world (along with my car and computer). But of course like an idiot I found it later on in my jacket pocket.

On the drive up to Big Bear I only had a panic attack once (good for me!) We ended up snowboarding all three days we stayed up there. The first day (Friday) we actually did night snowboarding which I was kind of worried about. It was my second time ever snowboarding so I was worried about doing it in the dark. I actually did a pretty good job (at least that's what my friends told me.) I only had three drinks that whole weekend (while the rest of my friends proceeded to get hammered). I realized that alcohol, snowboarding, and I don't mix very well. Saturday I had two bloody Mary's and was feeling pretty cocky and decided to go down one of the more advanced runs (I blame this all on my friend Megan though since she's the one who told me about it in the first place.) Never again will I do that. I ended up landing on my tailbone so many times that I thought a broke it. I also landed on my arm and wrist quite a few times. I was very angry by the time I got to the bottom that I pretty much quit for the day.

The next day I did pretty much the same thing (went up a more advanced trail). That was a huge mistake. I spent most of the time on my butt since my legs were in such tremendous pain (BTW three days back to back of snowboarding when you are only going for your second time....in five years, is not a good idea.) All in all I did have a great time. The trip back down the mountain took like more than two hours vs. the 25-30 minutes it normally takes. I plan on buying my own snowboard. I want to get a custom one that says "Danielle" on the bottom with "Love as Thou Wilt" underneath. On the top I want to have a picture of me between the bindings with fairy wings photoshopped on (my friends find this hillarious). I want the whole board to be purple, black, and silver.

This weekend I am throwing a Valentine's party at my friend Ryan's house. I've already spent over $250 (just on decorations and candy) for this party so it had better be a blast. I was kind of irritated at my friends because Ryan and I decided to throw the party on Friday the 12th (I had a shoot on Sunday the 14th which I then had to move to Friday the 12th). But apparently Ryan was drunk and didn't even remember us talking about throwing a party in the first place. So he was pretty surprised when I sent him a Facebook event invite to a Valentine's party at his place on a night when he already had something planned. So we ended up moving the party to Saturday the 13th, but then of course I get b!tched at because that day didn't work for certain people (I'm not going to be planning any more events because this always seems to happen.) It sucks because there are quite a few people who aren't going to be in town that day/weekend, so it will probably end up being a smaller party. I'm pretty excited because one of the local DJ's will be playing at the party after he gets done mixing at whatever club he's working that night. I just hope that the cops don't get called for a noise complaint. We didn't get in trouble last time for the Christmas party but you never know.

[danielle_ftv]

Feb. 10, 2010
Just got done making a few changes to the site. I put the links to all my social networking sites on the "About Me" page. I also added a new pic and some more info on the page. On the main page (the second page after the 18+ warning page) I changed the pictures on top and I changed the pictures on the "My Photo" part of the page. Need to process my Valentine's video into the 1,000kb/s version for tomorrow then I can go to sleep.

[danielle_ftv]

Feb. 24, 2010
I'm a little irritated right now. Not only do I have to deal with people complaining but there seems to be a lot of drama with my group right now. I feel like I'm in high school again. I hang out with people older than me yet I feel like I'm the oldest in the group. Whatever! I need to clean my house, go to the library, and get food. Will write more later if I'm in a better mood.